


to be loved and to be in love

by halfwayinit



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: 1920s AU, M/M, Some Canon, Uni AU, based off of harry styles lyrics :), five mini ficlets in one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwayinit/pseuds/halfwayinit
Summary: five ficlets in one, based off of harry styles lyrics.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	to be loved and to be in love

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday ffion!! <3

**1\. i couldn’t want you any more, kiss in the kitchen like it’s a dance floor..**

The bass is thumping heavy and low through the kitchen, making Callum’s body vibrate with it as he raises a beer to his lips. The kitchen is packed with drunken bodies everywhere, some dancing, some playing drinking games, and some getting a little too frisky in the corner considering the amount of people about. 

Usually house parties aren’t Callum’s vibe, but there’s only so much of Ben’s pleading that he can take, his best mate pulling out the signature puppy eyes when it looked like Callum wasn’t going to budge. There hasn’t been a time since they met that Ben hasn’t managed to convince Callum to do something by resorting to the puppy eyes. 

It somehow feels like forever ago and only yesterday at the same time that they were two terrified freshers with no clue what life had in store for them. Callum counts his lucky stars every day that the universe threw them together, making them inseparable, the kind of best friends that you only ever read about in books or see on a movie screen. 

Tonight, like every night, Ben’s the life and soul of the party. He’s up on one of the rickety kitchen chairs, using his beer bottle as a makeshift microphone as he belts out the chorus to a Whitney Houston song. Callum can’t help the smile that makes its way onto his face at his best friend's attempt at a signature Whitney high note. Ben’s energy is infectious. Callum’s always finding himself drawn to Ben, like a moth to a flame. Being around Ben, it makes him feel good in a way that he can’t quite explain, it’s almost like he’s most at peace when they’re together. If Callum is yin then Ben is his yang, the other half of him that he’s not complete without. 

By time the last of the partygoers have stumbled out the door, Callum’s more than ready to faceplant his bed and sleep for longer than he should considering he’s got lectures in the morning. He’s feebly attempting some sort of clean up, to lessen the load for them in the morning, when Ben catches his attention.

“Leave it, Cal. We’ll do it in the morning yeah?”

Ben’s perched up on the kitchen counter, beer bottle dangling between his fingers as he watches Callum give up on trying to make the kitchen seem somewhat clean. Why do today what you can do tomorrow? That’s Ben’s motto. 

Callum crosses the kitchen and stands in front of Ben with raised eyebrows and crossed arms, unable to stop the sarcastic smile playing on his lips.

“We? I’ve heard that one before, Mitchell. Usually before you conveniently disappear right as it’s time to clean up.”

That makes Ben huff out a laugh, knowing he can’t argue with the truth. If there’s anything he hates most, it’s cleaning. He reaches out to grab Callum’s t-shirt and pull him in closer, eyes rolling affectionately. 

“I know, I know. This time I promise I’ll help you. We’ll be like the gay Kim and Aggie.”

Callum can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him, eyes watering at the idea of Ben in a tabard with a mop and bucket in tow. They’re giggling so much, some of it definitely the influence of one too many beers, that Callum hardly notices how close they’ve gotten, just a breath away from one another. It’s like all the air leaves his lungs, time standing still in this moment as they look at one another. Ben’s eyes are wide and almost doe-like as they scan Callum’s face, his hand coming to rest on Callum’s cheek.

“Ben..” Callum’s voice is hardly a whisper, not sure what to say or do in this moment. “You’re drunk. You should go to bed.”

Ben shakes his head gently, thumb softly grazing Callum’s cheek.

“I promise you I’m not drunk, Callum.” He takes a breath, weighing up the possible outcomes if he’s read this entire situation wrong, not willing to lose Callum’s friendship because he fell too deep and couldn’t help himself. 

“Do you want this? Me?”

After a moment Callum nods, just a little movement of his head, but Ben doesn’t need any other answers. Callum wants him. Callum wants _Ben_.

He leans forward and catches Callum’s lips between his own, legs instinctively moving to wrap around Callum’s waist. Callum almost falls into the kiss, hands gripping Ben’s waist as he pulls him towards the edge of the counter, wanting Ben closer than he’s ever allowed him to before. It feels so right, like the last puzzle piece of his heart has slotted perfectly into place.

This is where he belongs, with Ben.

Always with Ben.

**2\. loving you’s the antidote..**

The Sunday morning sun is slowly beginning to break through the curtains, illuminating their bedroom in that soft, delicate glow that only ever comes from a morning of bright winter sun rising across Albert Square.

Callum slowly blinks awake, squinting at the alarm clock on his bedside locker and letting out a sigh of relief when he realises he’s managed to sleep in for once. 

Ben’s arm is a welcome weight on him, warmth radiating from him like a furnace the way he’s draped himself across Callum’s chest. They’ve been together years now, like an old married couple Jay says, and Callum still can’t quite believe he gets to wake up like this every morning. If you told him all those years ago that he’d be waking up on a Sunday morning next to his fiancé, an out and proud gay man with a ring on his finger, he wouldn’t have believed you. As tough as life can get, and has gotten for the two of them at times, Callum wouldn’t change a second of it, not one. There is no one else on this earth that he would rather go through all of those ups and downs with than Ben. He’s Callum’s anchor, the one constant in his life that never drifts away.

It’s almost like Ben can sense what Callum’s thinking, stirring in his sleep a little before he’s burying his head into Callum’s chest and moaning that it’s too bright. 

“It’s 11 o’clock you lazy arse, about time you woke up.” 

Ben just grumbles something inaudible back in reply, not quite awake enough yet to think of any sort of comeback. Callum can’t help but smile at Ben’s grumpiness, he’s never been one for mornings, meanwhile Callum would happily rise with the sun and not complain for a second of it. Early bird gets the worm and all that.

“I’ll make you a coffee to wake you up.” Callum says, laughing at how Ben tries to reach out and drag him back down onto the bed, arms flopping down onto the mattress when he realises Callum’s too far out of reach.

Ben’s a lot happier once Callum hands him his mug of coffee with two sugars stirred in. Ben’s got a thing about his morning coffee having to be sweet, he tries to make out that it gives him more energy but Callum knows it’s just because he’s got a massive sweet tooth. He doesn’t complain though, a sweet coffee kiss is miles better than a bitter coffee kiss. 

“Do you ever wonder what past-you would think of your life right now? If you ever would have seen all of this coming?” Callum asks out of nowhere, his voice quiet and reflective as he speaks. They’ve managed to end up back under the duvet again, heads resting on the pillows with their hands and legs tangled up together.

Ben looks at him like he’s not quite sure where any of this has come from, eyebrows furrowing a little as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“Not really, no. Why, do you?”

Callum shifts a little until they’re properly eye to eye, biting down on his lip as he looks at Ben. He’s not sure what’s gotten into him this morning, but he’s got this overwhelming feeling in his chest, like he’s only now realising just how lucky he truly is. 

“Sometimes, yeah. Before I met you Ben I.. I was so broken. I’d lost Chris and I was living this lie trying to be the man that everyone wanted me to be.” Callum reaches out a hand to rest on Ben’s cheek, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “Then I met you, and you wanted me exactly as I was. No pretending or hiding anymore, just me the way I am, the way I was born to be.” 

Callum clears his throat, trying to blink away the tears that are gathering at his lashes. He wants Ben to know exactly what being with him means to Callum, how much he loves him

“Being with you Ben.. not to sound like a terrible Beyonce impersonator but I feel like I’m drunk in love.” His words make Ben huff out a breath of laughter, knowing how obsessed Callum is with the Queen Bey. 

After a moment Callum continues on, his almost getting caught in his throat as emotion takes over him. 

“You found me when I was the most lost and lonely I’ve ever been, and then you set my soul on fire in a way that no one ever has before. You saved me.”

Ben feels the tears in his eyes begin to make tracks down his cheeks, heart aching with just how much love it has for this man in front of him. Callum mirrors him, tears falling now that he can’t hold them back any longer. 

“Cal, as much as you think I saved you, you saved me right back. Before I met you, it was like I’d been wandering through the dark for so long that I’d forgotten what the light looked like. Then, right when I least expected it there you were, and I remembered just how beautiful and bright life could be.”

They lay in one another’s arms for a long time that morning, feeling grateful that some strange and unexplainable twist of fate thrust them onto one another’s paths all those years ago.

Perfect? That’s something they’re not.  
  
But, perfect for each other? They most definitely are.

  
**3\. just let me adore you..**

Callum’s tired of pretending that everything is okay between them.

Things haven’t been okay for a while now and they both know it, even if they don’t want to admit it out loud. Ben’s been leaving the house early in the morning, before Callum’s even woken up, and he comes home late into the evening looking bone tired and stressed. It’s like they’ve become strangers in the last few weeks, ships in the night, never anchoring for too long.

Callum’s asked him about it, of course he has, but Ben shrugs him off every time, claiming that he needs to protect Callum from whatever it is that he’s doing. It’s nothing they haven’t been through before, the entire situation has got Phil written all over it. It almost feels like they’re back to that cold Christmas evening in the Square, poison falling from Ben’s lips, hoping it’ll protect Callum’s heart. A heart that he believes is too good for his own, a heart he broke in a bid to keep it pure. This time is different though, this time Callum is refusing to back down and give up on them. Walking away isn’t an option this time for Ben. 

“You don’t have to pretend with me.” Callum says when Ben walks through the Mitchell’s kitchen door.

Ben sighs, not expecting Callum to be awake and waiting for him. He looks exhausted, there are dark circles under his eyes that make it seem like he hasn’t slept in days. Callum wouldn’t be surprised if that was true, he’s hardly seen his boyfriend all week, going to sleep and waking up in an empty bed. 

“Can we do this in the morning, Callum? It’s late.”

That makes Callum huff out an annoyed laugh, as if Ben hasn’t been out all night doing god knows what the last few days. He gives himself a moment to take a breath and calm down, knowing an argument is exactly what Ben wants, an excuse he can use to push Callum even further away.

“You need to let me in, Ben. I want to be there for you, to help you, but how can I when all you do is push me away and keep me in the dark?”

Ben’s still standing at the door, eyes looking anywhere but Callum. His jaw is tight, like he’s trying to stop himself from lashing out. 

Eventually, after a few moments of pained silence, he speaks. He sounds completely drained, like he’s got no fight left in him.

“I’ve told you before that you’re too good for me Callum and I meant it. You should get out while you still have the chance, save yourself the heartache in the long run yeah?”

He’s hardly finished his sentence before Callum is crossing the small space that’s separating them, warm palms coming to rest on Ben’s face, eyes wide and vulnerable as he shakes his head.

“No, you listen to me for once Ben. I’m done letting you push me away. I'm here and I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I know you love me too. Isn’t that worth fighting for? Aren’t we worth fighting for?” 

His words seem to hit home, tears gathering at Ben’s lash line as he bites down harshly on his lip. He reaches out and grabs at Callum’s t-shirt, bunching up the material with how tight his grip is. It’s like he’s afraid to let go, like maybe if he let’s go Callum will change his mind and leave. 

“I’m sorry.” Ben chokes out, tears now falling free and fast as Callum pulls him into his chest, feeling the shuddering breath that Ben finally lets out.

Callum holds him there like that for a long time, fingers threading through Ben’s hair as he lets his boyfriend release all the pain, anger and frustration that’s been building up inside him all this time. He needs Ben to know that he’s here for him, and he’s not going anywhere, ever. 

If Ben falls, Callum will be there to catch him.

Always.

  
**4\. everything will be alright, we can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here..**

The sun is beginning to set in the sky, casting a pale orange glow across the countryside. It’s hot, almost uncomfortably so for the time of the evening it is, and it makes Ben feel even more on edge than he already is. He’s waiting anxiously behind the manor’s stables, leaning against the wall and chewing on his fingernails as a feeble way of distracting himself. He hasn’t even had a chance to go home and change from his workwear, too afraid that if he left the manor grounds he wouldn’t find the courage to return. 

The longer he waits, the darker the evening becomes and Ben resigns himself to the idea that everything he feels is entirely one-sided. Who could want a poor stable boy when the lady of the manor has a life of luxury waiting for you to grab with both hands? Just when Ben’s beginning to accept the fact that Callum isn’t coming, he rounds the corner, looking every inch of the man of the manor that he’s about to become. He smiles sheepishly at Ben, knowing he’s late. It had been Callum’s idea in the first place, meeting one last time to say goodbye properly, knowing once he’s married that he can no longer see Ben.

“Sorry” Callum whispers, coming to a stop in front of Ben. “It took longer than I anticipated to get away.”

Ben just nods stiffly, not wanting the details of why Callum couldn’t get away from Lady Dean. The thought of the two of them together, it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and an ugly feeling settles low in his belly. Why does she get to have him when Ben is the one who loves him so wholly and unconditionally? Given half the chance, Ben would give Callum his all, every beat of his heart and breath from his lungs. 

But, the world is not on their side in this life.

In this life, Callum will marry Lady Dean and become Lord of the manor. He will love her as best as he can, perhaps even have a family with her, he will do what is expected of him. And Ben? Ben will continue to work the grounds of the manor, tending to the horses and the stables, pretending that every rare glimpse of Lord Highway doesn’t set his spirit alight. 

“Please don’t leave me.” Ben whispers, pulling Callum closer by the lapels of his coat. 

Callum looks pained, like he was hoping Ben wouldn’t put up a fight or beg him to stay. He leans down until they’re just a breath apart and drops a sweet kiss onto Ben’s parted lips. It’s chaste, but it holds more meaning than any other kiss they have ever shared.

Callum reaches for Ben’s hands, linking their fingers together. 

“Just because we can’t be together in this life, it doesn’t mean we never will. I have faith that my soul will find yours in the next, when we can be together and live out our days the way we so desperately want to. I promise you, my soul will not rest until it finds you again.” Callum’s blinking away tears as he speaks, needing Ben to hear what he has to say. “I will always love you, Ben.”

That night as Ben drifts to sleep, Callum’s words echo in his mind. When he dreams, he dreams of the day that their souls reunite. The sun is shining and the birds are humming a melody as they walk hand in hand.

They are happy. 

They are in love.

They are soulmates.

**5\. you’re so golden..**

The silver band on his ring finger glints in the light as Ben clinks his wine glass to catch everyone’s attention. As nervous as he feels in this moment, he can’t help the little laugh that escapes him when Stuart starts a chant of “Speech! Speech! Speech!” before Rainie quickly elbows him into his side to quieten him. 

He smooths down his waistcoat before clearing his throat, butterflies flying low in his stomach. This is the happiest and most important day of his life, and he doesn’t want to mess this part up. 

“Firstly, myself and my husband-“ He’s cut off by loud wolf whistling and cheering, mostly coming from Stuart, Lexi, Jay and Lola. It makes a wide smile spread across Ben’s lips, seeing just how happy their family is for them. 

“Myself and my husband would like to thank you all for being here today to celebrate with us. Everyone in this room means so much to us and we can’t thank you all enough for everything that you’ve done for us over the years, and of course in the months leading up to today. I’m sure we were a right pair of Groomzillas at some points during all the planning, especially me, so thank you for putting up with us.” 

Ben turns his head to look down at Callum who’s sat beside him, his husband smiling back up at him like he’s never been happier, that married glow that everyone talks about radiating out of him like sunbeams. Ben’s sure he’s never been more in love than he is right now. 

“Today I got to marry not only my best friend, but my soulmate. I’m not quite sure what I did to deserve him, but I count my lucky stars every single day that he’s mine and I will never take this love for granted.” 

Callum reaches out to take Ben’s hand in his, tears already welling in his eyes at his husband’s words. They’ve come so far since that first night in the park all those years ago. Life has thrown so many obstacles at them, some worse than others, but they’ve weathered every storm and come out the other side stronger than ever before. 

“You’re so golden, Cal. You are the constant sunshine in my life. You lit up my world when I thought I was going to spend forever stumbling through the dark and I hope you know how much you are loved and appreciated. I feel lucky beyond words to stand here today as your husband, and I am going to spend the rest of my life loving you.” 

Callum is out of his seat within seconds of Ben finishing his speech, catching his husband’s lips in a kiss, pouring every ounce of love and adoration that he has for Ben into it.

“To the Mitchells!” Someone cheers, the sounds of glasses clinking and well wishes for the happy couple filling the air. 

When Callum and Ben break apart, their smiles are blinding, love and joy radiating from every inch of them. If Callum shines like the sun, then Ben glows like the moon. Subdued and soft, but still so very beautiful and bright. Together, they’re a perfect pair. 

“Here’s to forever.” Ben smiles, his husband's hand in his as they toast to their life together. 

_Forever._

_Always._

_Eternity._

It sounds like heaven. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!  
> comments/kudos always welcome :)  
> come chat to me on tumblr @halfwayinit


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